once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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