So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
