If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
