you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
