gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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