This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
