Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
