Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
