I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
they need to just BURY HIM!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
