My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
