And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hippo gnu deer
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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