I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
