Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
