Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
