and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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