Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
