Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
