Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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