hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
