is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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