One girl and one boy is just not enough.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
