I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
