I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
