cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
