If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
