You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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