I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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