she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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