Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
