I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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