hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
