This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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