Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
