I hope mine doesn't look like that
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
