You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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