So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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