i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
