you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
how can u be prego again
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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