R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
