I didn't shave. On purpose
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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