you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
