lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
