we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
