I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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