Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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