I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
