I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Alive.
So much puke
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
