so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
