i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
