they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
