Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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