listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
