Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hippo gnu deer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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