The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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