so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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