How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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