Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
