Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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